Betrayals Erased

Swimming in the sand so dry
We lied beyond our dreams
Wishing for a star’s reply
With a spark we could redeem.

Once a beating heart so fertile
Now crushed beneath your hands
Entangled between love and peril
Bleeds lost with no command.

I’d proposed to get away from here
And you’d supplied the how
And all our trust from all our years
Could not withdraw us now.

You’d what promised you would never
Still, begged I stay and fight
I begged to learn what she’d tendered,
And for love to stay the night.

The rest shall be it all fictitious
For love has earned me grim
Could not imagine a love so vicious
Thus chose to be with him.

I dare not now undo the wrong
To amuse a boundless chase
It’s not where you and I belong
Thus our betrayals I’ll erase.

For now I must call you a friend
As you still bring me light
But dare not yet be naïve again
To render one more fight.
 

Do Not Wonder

Do not wonder
If you are the kind
Of woman men desert.

Please stop piling up
A list of things you are
Just so you can overwhelm
Yourself into thinking
That you’re overwhelming
To everyone, and anyone
In retrospect but desperate
To make sense of
Something, and anything. 

Do not ask yourself
Why you keep searching
For men who stray
And do not believe that
It’s because you never wanted
Love in the first place,
Place yourself first.

And do not leap into
A relationship thinking
“It makes sense.”
Run or swim or stride
Into one but make sure
You make sense.

I wish for you
Nothing but to fall
Like leaves to soil,
For your own soul. 

But if you are to paint
That picture, then paint it
Whole, take the entire pile
And launch it into the wall
Watch as your canvas
Melts to color and blood and
Collapses to its knees
The beautiful splash
The floor, the wall
The colors dripping
In the collision, you
Reach your tongue out
And taste the brilliant
Enchanting detonation
Of all the different
Lives you pretended to live
The weight of the
Unlived still calling, stirring
And the lives within you
That have never met
Let the colors run
Into each other because
That’s how new colors
Are created, and mix them
Deeply, beautifully, completely.

Your mosaic, I promise
Will make them dizzy
But imagine please, just
For a moment these
Kaleidoscopic eyes
Filled with ecstasy, ones
That see and dream in color
In motion, in musical notes
Imagine a pair of eyes, yours
That will motion your colors
Into a story only you sing
Because I promise out there
There are more, and by dancing
To your own colors you
Invite them to explore. 

Let your colors
Misbehave more often
Let them dance and
Not just in any soul
But another soul with
Kaleidoscopic eyes that swing
To your colors and sing
A story you can spend
Your life painting.

Don’t apologize to the world
For making them dizzy
And believe me, you’ll
Never have to apologize to him
For being soft because
Darling soft looks gorgeous
With that mosaic soul of yours
And soft will be the color
Of the eyes that hold you.  
Don’t ever wonder—if love is
Something you must ask for. 

“When you adopt the viewpoint that there is nothing that exists that is not part of you, that there is no one who exists who is not part of you, that any judgment you make is self-judgment, that any criticism you level is self-criticism, you will wisely extend to yourself an unconditional love that will be the light of the world.”

– Harry Palmer