Following the retreat, I’ve been on an email exchange with Master Dao Yi. We got to talking about the book “Mothers Who Can’t Love” and this brought out some deep emotion in me about parenting, about love, and about healing. Read More for an excerpt from our email:
Feeling blessed to share this earth alongside so many wealthy hearts and minds of our time (like my teacher and Master Dao Yi). In this day and age, we often talk about the importance of growth, and in this very moment, I'm feeling especially grateful for the encounters that expand our whole being, like meeting Master Dao Yi who took the time to respond to me amidst this conflicted soul of mine.
Man oh man, getting back to the real world is tough. Back to real problems and desire and struggle. But it also means learning more of the kaleidoscopic things that make us all light up and light on fire. It also means falling in love, not just with humans but with life and what it means to be the entirety of who we are....and to be given the freedom to express the entirely of all that we embody.
Here I am, transitioning from an invigorating Buddhist retreat and back into my soulful coffee shop moments. Returning after some time, my plan is to find more of what makes me radiate and glow—to continue documenting my daily moments on my Equilibrium Journal, and to track my fulfillment, radiance, joy, connection to purpose, and energy in everything I do. My wish is that I can invite more of the things that I find the most beautiful into my life.
This Seth Godin quote got me thinking about how we hide from our responsibilities and our potential everyday by brushing things off and not trying them. It’s also challenged me to become more aware of the choices I’m actually making when I decide not to try something. Is it my subconscious running from fear? What metrics am I measuring the costs-benefits by? How can we reevaluate our definition and interpretation of the word “trying”?
The relationship that you’re in right now—if you knew it wasn’t going to last, if you knew it had an expiration date, would it make you want to love deeper and fall harder or would you leave in search of another story?
How many lives do writers live in one story?
Some people live every moment they get, some live as many lives as they can, and some don’t even realize that they have one. I remember after my sister and I wrote our first novel together, someone asked us to summarize it in one sentence. We answered, “A pair of sisters—one destined to live out her life, and the other, to outlive her life.”
For the women out there giving every ounce of your love to your partner, it’s important to remember that the love we emit is a deep reflection of our relationship with ourselves. We can’t love someone into loving themselves. Your love journey is entirely your own, and so is theirs. Doesn’t mean you can’t share self-love, self-care, and inner beauty secrets, of course! :)
And for both parties out there, you only accept the love you’re ready for. Your partner can love you with all of his/her heart and soul, and carry all the love in the world, but you will only feel the extent to which you understand.
Isn’t it beautiful, terrifyingly beautiful, that happiness isn’t a reminder, but an allowance? That unlike joy, the choice of happiness isn’t decided in the moment, but invited long before that. That at some point in your life, when you’re ready, you make a promise to accept happiness. And how it makes all the difference.
Isn’t it terrifyingly beautiful that maybe our decision to invite happiness into our lives is the closest thing that exists to fate?
Fill your lungs with morning air and hold the universe inside you. Breathe in the first rays of the sun and awaken the force within. (Morning routine)
A reminder that every experience and encounter since the moment of your birth has been leading up to today, to this moment. Take a second, take it in.
I’m what some might consider a paradox. This voracious ambition of mine seems to be matched only by a wild spirit. And while my mind constantly pushes for structure and progress, my heart reaches for freedom and adventure. I feel my soul begging to hold more and more as my spirit pleas to detach and release. So I live my life in short stories.
I've been lucky enough to cross paths with these angels who seem to brush the dust off my wings so effortlessly. These wonderful people I don't and will never know. I want to be one of them. I want to be many of them. Radiating, resonating, piecing together lost souls...
Continuity in romance is not about imagining a future with someone, but about not envisioning one without them. It’s not about wandering the celestial paradise or the depths of hell, but about journeying back and forth without losing sight of that one person. And it’s not about uniting by the hand, but by the density of each footstep and pace of each breath. Lastly, it’s not about him/her being the one; it’s about the two of you becoming one.
Picture this imaginary three foot bubble around you. Anyone within three feet from you is automatically absorbed into your world. What will they find in there? What do you want them to feel and experience while they’re in your world? And then when you figure that out, how can you make this three foot bubble into a three thousand foot bubble?
We don’t attract people to us, we attract people to what we stand for. And people don’t fall for us, either. They fall in love with the world that we live in and strive every day to create.
You’re a gifted child, the universe told her. She was 1.
. . .
Before you embark on this next journey, take a deep breath. Relax. Give the child some space to heal, I tell her. We’re 25.
Morning coffee shop thoughts. Or perhaps rushing out of one realm and falling into another? If you are falling, may you be falling into the clouds of a beautiful universe.
They pull out their telescopes to hunt me down. They capture me only to put me under a microscope. Had they looked through a kaleidoscope. They would have seen me. They would have realized that I'm everywhere.
That we can't exist without each other. That we're a consequence of each other's thoughts, actions, and beliefs. That we live both for each other and from each other. That in this life of infinite love and change, all we're really looking for is alignment.
Alignment with each other. Alignment with the universe. Alignment with ourselves deep within.
This morning, a friend shared with me a story about his lovely morning adventure. My first instinct was to say, "Ah, that's incredible, I'm wildly envious!" But what I truly meant was, "Wow, you're beautiful. I'm deeply inspired by your story."
I think oftentimes, we focus on what others have that we don't, and it brings us to a place of comparison rather than unity. In these moments, we're faced with a choice; we can either feel envy or inspiration. I promise you they're equally powerful.
You know the days when you look up at the stars and instantly feel your worries fade? Is it possible that we, as beings, are connected to the substance of another star?
And one day, we look up and feel a dreadful emptiness and a hint of guilt. With no previous understanding that we ever connected with that one star, and no knowledge that the star is no longer there. Still we sit there, consumed by emptiness, feeling so whole and so empty, so big and so small, so ancient and so naive at the same time.
These eyes remind me that the most beautiful people, the very ones who allow me believe in life again and again, have all suffered deeply one way or another. Their expressions are of understanding, of purity. They’re eyes that whisper, “I don’t need to know your past to walk beside you.” These people walk through walls with a core of fire and a heart of gold.
I'm obsessed with making every moment of my life full of value and substance. I'm constantly fighting for miracle and adventure, and everyone around tells me to just enjoy life and stop fighting. Then I realized--I AM the adventure, and I AM the miracle. I'm fighting for myself and I will NEVER give up fighting for who I am. If the greatest adventure is life, and the purest miracle is this very moment, the what the hell am I even waiting for?
Him: If we were birds, where would you want to fly to?
Me: We’d fly against the rotation of the earth, and challenge the laws of time.
Him: That might be the most attractive thing anyone’s ever said to me. I would be perfectly content to spend my life as avian time traveler. Join me?
Me: Don’t have to ask; just glance over beside you and smile back.
Him: Hillary, I am completely transfixed by you.
How many times must I arrive at this destination until I can find my journey? Or is the secret to recognize that the passengers are happy sleeping, that perhaps if I steer through the rhythm of my heart, we will safely land. What if they wake up and cannot breathe the air that I breathe. What then?
“How many stars does it take to carry our worries away--can one star take away one worry? If so, what happens when a whole sky full of stars can’t take it all away?
“Is it possible to be so noble that not even the stars deserve to carry the weight of your heart?
"I don't think it's fair to ask anyone to stop searching for it. Because if there's something better for you, I want you to have it. If this love was powerful enough and everything you wanted, you wouldn't have betrayed it. So why are we asking for a lifelong commitment? We all deserve a love that we'll never betray and even think about letting go of."
Most people forget that the glass isn't meant to stay full, it's meant to be emptied and refilled. And sometimes, it’s meant to overflow.
Cleanse daily and live by the moment. If you can't avoid negative energy, shift to a higher vibration and neutralize it. Ground and center yourself in moments of chaos. Wrap your arms around a tree, and let it ground you. Visualize yourself rooting into the ground like a tree, and extend those branches into the sky. It’s important to remember that this may take time. Be patient and always believe in your soul.